By Laura Curran, Executive Director

Janet and Rob* entered our doors in a state of complete shock, having just learned only hours ago that their 16-year-old daughter was pregnant. Angry, disappointed, and feeling overwhelmed, they were grieving the loss of the idyllic future they had envisioned for their daughter.

Every day at PCPlus, we minister to scared teenagers who find themselves pregnant. Often overlooked in this scenario are the parents, like Janet and Rob, who have just discovered that their daughter/son is expecting. Some have suspected their child was pregnant but ignored the signs. Others, who have considered themselves “pro-life,” might suddenly find themselves questioning whether abortion might be the best option. In such an emotionally charged situation, rational thinking can be difficult, and reactions often precede thoughtful responses.

Helping Parents Cope

We specialize in helping these parents cope with the sudden news that they are going to be grandparents. We are there to help them navigate the situation and take the next best steps to help their teenager. Over a warm cup of coffee, we share these insights:

  1. You’re Not Alone: Thank you for being here with your child. Many teenagers come to us feeling completely isolated. Your daughter likely took a huge leap of faith to confide in you.
  2. Take a Breath and Stay Calm: Your initial reaction will be something she remembers for a long time. Your response in these first days will significantly impact how she handles this situation moving forward.
  3. Acknowledge Her Feelings: Just as your world feels like it’s crumbling, she is likely overwhelmed with guilt and the fear of disappointing you.
  4. Listen Without Judgment: Give her the space to talk openly. Ask her how she feels and what she needs from you right now.
  5. Offer Unconditional Support: Avoid blaming or criticizing. Instead, focus on offering your unwavering love and support.
  6. Become Informed: We are here to educate her about the life growing inside her. We offer a wide range of free services throughout pregnancy and beyond, including ultrasounds, prenatal care referrals, parenting classes, maternity clothes, baby supplies, nutritional and psychological counseling, life coaching, etc.
  7. Consider Adoption: Adoption is a very loving option that we can help her explore through our on-site adoption agency. We encourage you to keep an open mind about this choice.
  8. A Bright Future is Still Possible: While life has certainly changed, your daughter can still have a productive and successful future. Finishing school and pursuing a career remain within reach.
  9. Process Your Own Emotions: It’s important to work through your feelings with a trusted adult friend, family member, or therapist. This allows you to process your emotions without burdening your daughter, who is already dealing with a lot.
  10. This is not your fault. Your daughter’s pregnancy does not define you as a bad parent.
  11. Abortion: While abortion may seem like the solution to her current situation, this only adds another set of problems to her plate. Whether you encourage her to have an abortion or fail to dissuade her from having one, she will likely blame you when the guilt, depression, and realization of what she has done begins to weigh on her.
  12. Time to Prepare: There is plenty of time to make medical, financial, and educational decisions. You have almost nine months to prepare for the baby. Our greatest blessings are often just on the other side of our greatest fears; your grandchild will bring unimaginable joy to your daughter and your family.

*Pseudonyms