by Laura Curran, Executive Director
Scared teens come into PCPlus every day, having just taken a positive pregnancy test. Often, they say, “My parents are going to kill me. How should I tell them?” PCPlus helps to allay their fears. This is a conversation that requires sensitivity, honesty, and a plan.
Guidance Tips
We offer them guidance to navigate the conversation:
- Choose the Right Time and Place:
When: Pick a time when your parents are relaxed, not stressed or busy. Avoid times when they’re rushing off to work, just getting home from a long day, or dealing with other major issues. A weekend afternoon or evening might be best.
Where: Choose a private, comfortable setting where you won’t be interrupted. Avoid public places where they might feel embarrassed or unable to react freely.
- Decide Who to Tell First (optional):
If you have one parent you feel closer to, or who you anticipate will be more understanding, you might consider telling that parent first. They can then help you tell the other parent. This can make the conversation feel a little less overwhelming.
- Prepare What You Want to Say:
Start with “I need to tell you something important.” This sets a serious tone. Be direct and honest. Don’t beat around the bush. Something like, “Mom and Dad, I’m pregnant.”
Acknowledge their potential feelings. You could say, “I know this might be shocking/disappointing/upsetting news, and I understand if you’re feeling that way.”
Express your own feelings. “I’m scared/nervous/unsure about this too.” Show you’ve thought about it and share that you’ve visited PCPlus. If you have any initial thoughts about what you want to do (e.g., continue the pregnancy, explore adoption, discuss abortion), you can share them, but you don’t have to have all the answers right now. “I’ve been thinking a lot about this, and I’m not sure what to do, but I wanted to tell you.” Ask for their support. “I really need your help and support right now.” or “I hope we can talk about this together and figure things out.” Offer to have them accompany you to PCPlus for further discussion and assistance.
- Be Prepared for Their Reaction:
Shock/Disappointment/Anger: This is a very common initial reaction. Try to stay calm and give them space to process. They might raise their voices or even say things they don’t mean. Sadness/Worry: They will likely be worried about your future, your health, and the challenges ahead. Silence: They might be too stunned to speak. Understanding/Support (eventually): Hopefully, after the initial shock, their love for you will kick in, and they will want to support you.
- What to Do During the Conversation:
Stay Calm: Take deep breaths. Your calm demeanor might help them calm down too.
Listen: Let them express their feelings, even if they’re negative. Don’t interrupt immediately. Don’t Argue or Get Defensive: Focus on the situation at hand. Reiterate Your Need for Support: Remind them that you’re coming to them because you trust them and need their help. Be Patient: They might need time to process before they can have a constructive conversation.It might even be a conversation that happens over several days. They may have not known that you were sexually active. Offer to Answer Questions: Be open to discussing their concerns, but also know it’s okay to say, “I don’t have all the answers yet.”
- Consider Bringing Someone for Support (optional):
If you have another trusted adult (aunt, older sibling, family friend) who could be present for moral support, that might be an option. Discuss it with them beforehand.
- Next Steps (after the initial conversation):
Discuss Options: There are several paths you can consider. PCPlus can give you accurate information, an ultrasound, additional resources to help you make the very best decision for yourself and your baby. We can also help you to discuss these options with your parents. Seek Medical Advice: This is crucial for your health and the baby’s. Your parents will likely want to help you with this. PCPlus can help you get started with prenatal care. Involve the Father (if applicable and safe): The father of the baby has a role in this, too. You’ll need to decide when and how to involve him and his family. Your parents and PCPlus can help you navigate this.
School/Future Plans: Our Personal Growth Coach can help you to sort out your continued education and future. She can direct you to our parenting classes, our on-site adoption agency, and other valuable resources for both you and your family.
Get Professional Help: A school counselor, or our therapist at Right Mind Wellness Center, located on our lower level, can provide additional support. This is a monumental conversation, and it’s okay to be scared. Remember that your parents love you, even if their initial reaction is difficult. Approaching them with honesty and a desire to work through this together is the best way forward.
